As a Christmas deejay, I listen to a lot of Christmas music. Much more than the average sane person. Here's my observation: the following things are mentioned in many Christmas and winter songs, but you never actually see anyone doing them:
1. Sleigh Riding. I don't get why this was supposed to be such a great time. Mostly it sounds cold. A few years ago, some neighbors were giving "sleigh rides" which was a trailer pulled by a 4-wheeler. I'd write a song about that, but nothing rhymes with "carbon monoxide inhalation."
2. Roasting Chestnuts Over An Open Fire. I wouldn't know a chestnut if they grew on trees. To roast one over an open fire, I'd have to find a way to break through the glass on our gas fireplace. Can I roast them on the propane grill?
3. Kissing Under Mistletoe. Okay, yuck. Just yuck. Anyone? Because you had the misfortune of standing under a plant?
4. Caroling. Maybe in the days before recorded music this was a real treat. I've got enough strangers coming to my door now, and all I have to do is take the pamplet and shut the door, and not stand there with the door wide open letting cold air into the house.
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